Sunday, 5 November 2017

Thoughts of a New Parent



I fancied a chat so while I have a sleeping newborn in my lap I thought I'd get typing and see what came out. We've been keeping our tiny human alive for almost three weeks now. Three weeks that have whizzed by and completely turned our lives upside down...for the better. We may be getting less sleep, not getting out the house as quick as we'd like or always eating hot meals but right now, we're really content.


I can finally say I'm starting to feel myself again, it has taken a few weeks, numerous courses of antibiotics, painkillers and Dairy Milk but I can look in the mirror now and not see an ill, pale mess looking back at me, my blood must've replenished itself. I haven't begun to process the birth of my beautiful son yet, blocking it out has seemed much easier while I battled with midwives over their poor and dangerous 'advice' but that's a post for much further down the line. The important thing is that Joshua and I are fine. 

The last few weeks have been a huge learning curve, we have this little human relying on us for everything and once we've ticked off hunger, nappy, wind and cuddles, it can get a bit confusing but we're managing with the help of wonderful family and our Google home hub who is getting a lot of use in the early hours of the morning with white noise playlists. Overall, Joshua is pretty dreamy and it has been no where near as bad so far as everyone said when giving their unsolicited advice. Obviously, it's going to change all the time but I'm so glad I've ignored people and trusted my own instincts instead. Apparently mother knows best after all. 

We're just about to enter our final week with Arran home with us, he's spent four weeks away from work and it's gone far too quickly. I just want to keep him at home with us, instead I'm about to go it on my own which is mildly terrifying especially as I'm still recovering from a caesarean. It's so disappointing that fathers get so little time with their newborns, two weeks paternity is just not enough. 

Talking of fathers, seeing your partner with his newborn for the first time is a feeling I cannot describe. It's a completely different love and our relationship has dramatically evolved to something more special than it already was. We always knew having a child would change us, we just didn't know how but I can honestly say it's something so special and so unique that it's something I'll now cherish forever, even if there's more poop and sick than before. I feel like I'm rambling now and there's no real meaning to this other than me needing to get some thoughts out.

All I have left to say is that I'm happy, very happy and it's taken some time to feel that way.

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7 comments

  1. So glad to hear you are feeling more yourself! I totally agree with paternity leave! Fathers really do draw the short straw there, 2 weeks just isn't enough! I remember when my OH went back to work (he worked night shifts in a studio at the time) and I think one of the first nights he went back I ended up on the phone to him crying. You do get back into the swing of it all quite quickly though but that little newborn bubble is such a beautiful place you cant help but feel sad about popping it. xx

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  2. I'm so so sorry that the midwives and post-natal care have been so shit. I can't even begin to imagine how angry and frustrated you and Arran are. Joshua is beautiful, and I really hope things do smoothly when Arran goes back to work

    Steph - www.nourishmeblog.co.uk

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  3. I’m so happy for you love. And I totally understand how you mean there’s no words to describe how you feel seeing your man love your baby. It’s the best indescribable feeling ever x

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  4. This is such a beautiful post. So happy for you that you are feeling yourself again and wishing you the best of luck with everything. xx

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  5. Love you. So glad you're starting to feel like yourself again, I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience with midwife care etc. Recovery takes time but it sounds like you have an amazing support network around you. I completely agree re the paternity leave, it is absolutely not long enough, more companies need to start offering more to new parents.
    Hels xx

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  6. I'm so glad you're starting to feel better. I don't think anything can prepare you for those first few weeks really? I felt like a bus had run over me twice and just felt all over the place. It is so nice the effect it has on your relationship. I looked at Rich like he was a bar of gold for those first few weeks xx

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  7. This is so lovely. It took me quite a while to feel like myself again after having my first baby. It is amazing watching the bond grow between a little one and their daddy, so adorable.

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