Tuesday, 18 July 2017

I'm Over My Pregnant Body


Pregnancy is crap, there I said it. I didn't think I'd dislike it as much as I do but with only eleven weeks left I can't wait to see the end and not just because we'll have our little bundle. From the nausea and headaches to my changing body, there isn't much I've enjoyed. Although the naps and eating cake when I want do help. 

I've briefly spoken about suffering with pre-natal depression but that's as far as I'll go with that as I personally don't like discussing my mental health online. The hardest thing I've come up against is my body and how much it has changed, it just isn't mine anymore. My body is doing something incredible, it's growing our little boy and I find it fascinating but in a selfish way, I can't wait to have it back. First came the boobs and then my thighs, bum and stomach started to expand and I have hated every moment of it. I'm just not comfortable and the high temperatures we've been having haven't helped either what with the chub rub, boob sweat and swollen feet.

Last year, I'd got to a point where I was happy with my body and size but due to work stress and Christmas I put on little more than I would've liked. It was okay though because I re-joined Slimming World in the January and started losing weight straight away, then we found out I was pregnant. You can follow Slimming World while pregnant but part of me knew it would just add stress on top of everything else and I'd just feel disheartened about the scales going up instead of down.

We've still eaten Slimming World meals, lots of salad and veg and fruit as well as keeping my water intake high but if I've wanted something sweet I've had it because sometimes a girl has gotta have some cake. I kinda feel like I'm just plodding along, waiting for the moment that I can get back on the healthy eating fully and start seeing results again. It may sound selfish but as long as I'm not depriving our baby of vital nutrients I can't see how it can be labelled as that. 

I see other pregnant women and think they look beautiful but I just feel like a lump, I don't see that glow that I see on others and I was always comparing my bump until I just had to force myself to stop before I went insane. I've spoken to pregnant friends and it's nice to know I'm not alone but it's also such a shame that some of us go through this incredible experience just hating it. I thought I'd feel more relieved when I was showing more and I am but not as much as I thought, I'm just not comfortable enough to show off my bump. Maybe I never will be. It doesn't help that maternity clothes are shit and if I just go up a size in shops the clothes don't always fit all over. It's incredibly frustrating, I'm sick of wearing leggings and I miss my pretty summer dresses. 

Some may think this is the most ridiculous thing to moan about but it has affected my pregnancy so much BUT it's me that has let it affect my pregnancy, no one else. I have this shit relationship with my body that has intensified because of changes out of my control.

It makes me feel really sad at times, I don't want this to be a time I look back on and hate.


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24 comments

  1. I'm sure that the changes in your hormones won't be helping your thoughts on your body at the minute, but when you look back and realise not only that you were growing a human, which is crazy amazing in itself, but that you also looked stunning and glowing while doing so.. Keep your head high, and your feet higher - I hear it helps the swelling! 🙊

    www.andthenzen.wordpress.com

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  2. Ah I felt like this too and now three months postpartum I still don't like what I see in the mirror- even though I have my beautiful little boy! I absolutely hated being pregnant and felt awful sometimes, like I shouldn't complain because many women would love nothing more than to become a mum, but there's no shame in not enjoying it- it's a really odd experience both physically and mentally. I think you look lovely anyway and the next 11 weeks will fly by for you x

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    1. I felt the exact same. Although I had a relatively easy pregnancy it was hard to accept that I no longer had control over my body. Looking at my son I'm proud of what it did, and I'm obviously overjoyed that he's healthy, but as far as accepting what I see I still have a long way to go x

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  3. Hello lovely,

    Well done on writing such an honest post. I think it's great that you're saying what I know LOADS of women feel. Although I'm not a mummy or mummy-to-be myself, I've had friends and family whom I know have felt the same and I can totally empathise it's a difficult feeling when everyone around you is asking just 'HOW' much you're loving your pregnancy.

    I can also totally relate to you on a body image front - it's an irrational anxiety I have even now, about how my body will change and how I'll cope with the change if I ever get pregnant, having always struggled with my weight and the way I look.

    I think it's totally, totally reasonable that you're feeling all of these things and I don't think they're ridiculous at all! It's really tough when something affects something that society tells you is the 'most amazing time' and although it is for lots of reasons, it can totally have its downsides too!

    From an outsider's perspective, from the pics I've seen of you, you do look absolutely glowing! I know that doesn't help change how you feel about yourself but I know lots of other people who follow you think that too!

    It may feel like you'll look back on this time now and not remember it fondly, but remember you're totally not alone, and in eleven weeks you will have the loveliest little bundle to think about!

    Kate x
    http://www.findingkate.co

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  4. I can totally and utterly relate to this. I hated how I felt during my pregnancy. Everyone talked about the pregnancy glow and all that, but I didn't feel it. I felt like my body wasn't my own, I knew that everything I did, was for Dougie, and that was fine, but I hated everything that came with it. It's absolutely incredible what our bodies can do but it's also the hardest thing, the changes our bodies go through are different and more intense than anything I ever ever expected, but it does get better and it is worth it. I still struggle with how I feel about my body post-partum, but focus on the baby at the end of this :)
    For what it's worth, you look beautiful in the photos you've shared xxx

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  5. I'm so glad you had the courage to write this. I've been toying with the idea for ages after our conversations but could never press publish / was never happy with what I've written. I feel so so guilty too for hating my body when it's doing such an amazing thing, but we'll sort it out when our bubbas are here! Xxxx love you lots xxxx


    Www.bekylou.com

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  6. Lovely! You look fab! I've loved seeing your updates on insta and can't wait for your bubba to arrive! I can really relate to everything you've mentioned! I don't understand why no one tells you how hard pregnancy and how do they make it look so easy! I know how you feel with the size thing too! I'd lost 2 and half stone on slimming world and then found out we were pregnant and I don't even wanna know what those scales say but I know it's probs all gone back on! Anyway! You look freaking fabulous! Arran is one lucky man. 11 weeks to go, you can do this Mama �� I'm here if you wanna chat about anything at all �� Amy Gamble - www.amypyt.com

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  7. I really think it's important to talk about things like this, because other women in the same situation will know they're not alone. I can't imagine what it's like to totally lose control of your body in the way that pregnancy takes it from you. I really hope that the weather cools down for your last trimester!

    Steph - www.nourishmeblog.co.uk

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  8. So sorry to hear you're not enjoying it, but I've heard other women say they feel exactly the same! It's been so hot recently and I can imagine that's really not helped. Sending warm wishes your way x

    Jenny | LuxeStyle

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  9. I love your honesty and am sure you are not alone in your feelings. I really hope the next 11 weeks fly by for you xx

    Beautylymin

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  10. Well done for being honest, not everyone enjoys pregnancy and that's absolutely ok. x

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  11. completely feel you - pregnancy is absolutely shite, Ive had everything from the sickness to the low iron to feeling crap about myself, and today is now my due day with no sign of labour any time soon & i am HATING life right now! xx

    Soph x | sophiejc.blogspot.co.uk

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  12. Oh Alice, I want to give you the biggest squishiest hug!! I've not had that experience yet and I have no idea how I'm going to be if that ever happened. I think we all have that idea in our heads of neat little baby bumps and looking stunning, thanks celebrities, but it's never been like that for anyone I know who's been pregnant!! xx

    www.gollymissholly.uk

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  13. Aww I loved being pregnant but I also loved it once they were born. I hated not being able to shave or do things normal people do - like roll over in bed lol

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  14. Oh lovely, you look absolutely beautiful but I totally get how the pregnancy body changes can be quite difficult to deal with. Pregnancy is hard and you're absolutely allowed to hate it! Hormones are a crazy bunch of things that do not help matters either. It'll be over soon and you will have your little squish on the outisde xx

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  15. This x1000! Spot on post!! I feel EXACTLY the same. You've seen my bump and know it's measuring far too small but I still feel EXACTLY the same as you do. I feel horrendous about my body and exactly the same about wanting it back as my own. I am the first person to admit I hate being pregnant - I adore being a mum and I can't wait for baby #2 but I hate what pregnancy does to my body (and mind) and you know what - that's okay. It's okay to not feel like a field of flowers and more like a flat marshmallow...trust me because that's how I feel. We just have to remind ourselves that this is for now and not forever and our babies will thank us for growing them. Lots of respect for this post - so brace. And ps: I think you look banging pregnant!! Xx

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  16. You look gorgeous mrs. I was a massive fat swollen lump by the end of both of my pregnancies and it was crap but you look nothing like that. Keep thinking only 11 weeks to go x

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  17. I can relate to this so much, I hated my bump as soon as it came in but now at 39 weeks I'm desperate to have my 17 week body back! Although I seem to hate it a little less now I know I'm nearing the end and I'm going to have my boy soon.
    Just got to remind yourself that it's all temporary and it won't be long before you can start to work towards your ideal body again.
    Saph xx
    simplysaph.blogspot.co.uk

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  18. I 100% feel you, I hate how i feel, look and everything about pregnancy.. I dont understand why and how people enjoy it and my third pregnancy was my worst.. I like you tried to do slimming world during my pregnancy but had to stop going to the meetings, all those eyes and comments started to give me anxiety attacks whenever i went and I just couldnt cope anymore

    it will soon be over and the best part of being a mum begins.. the baby is by far the best part of pregnancy haha

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  19. I'm so sorry you feel this way! Although I can't relate, I hope you feel better about your body once baby is here xo

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  20. It's such a hard thing dealing with feeling rubbish about your body when everyone goes on about how much of a *joy* it is to grow a baby. I don't talk about my MH online either but felt much the same during pregnancy. There's so much about PND but not much about prenatal which is a shame- it would really help if we addressed it and helped expectant mums cope with the guilt. I'm still struggling to accept my body after birth and try as I might, "body positivity" regarding my own body is kind of elusive. I hope the remaining weeks are a bit kinder to you!

    Ada x

    http://adalovelacex.co.uk

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  21. It's so important that you've vocalised what you're feeling.

    Try not to be too hard on yourself because your body truly isn't yours right now, while you grow your precious baby, and this experience can't be the same for all. I'd guess that even women who feel wonderful all throughout really don't because the sheer number of physical changes are enough to make even the "happiest" of women feel ill at ease. The female body is a miracle, but it goes through so much and it takes its toll.

    I saw this photo when you posted it on twitter and you look beautiful and radiant.

    I hope the kindness in the comments today makes you smile even for a few moments

    xxx

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  22. This is a really honest post that I think will help a lot of other people feeling the same way and who might feel guilty for it! Well done - and for the record, I think you look wonderful :) xx

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  23. I didn't think this was a ridiculous post at all, in fact I really like that you're sharing thoughts like this with others because for sure there would be so many people out there feeling the same way, but they'd think it was just them!

    Julia // The Sunday Mode

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