Sunday, 17 January 2016

Interracial Relationships & Everyday Racism.


    

I quite like just rambling on here and it seems you do too so I thought I'd finally bite the bullet and write or more appropriately rant about something that I've wanted to for a very long time. I've been in an interracial relationship for almost four years now although we just call it a relationship. You see, love doesn't have a colour but for many ignorant people in this painstakingly racist world we live in, it does. I'm white and my boyfriend is Asian. I've lived in a predominantly white area for most of my life and didn't experience any racism until I moved to Spain and was referred to as a 'Gringo'. Even then I didn't see it as racism and just shrugged it off, I couldn't give a toss what they called me. 

I come from a very multicultural, loving family, race has never, ever been an issue and my parents have brought me up to see everyone as equal so I find it astounding that in this day and age, people have a problem with OUR relationship because we're of a different race and colour. We had been in a relationship for six months when we first experienced interracial discrimination, we were walking along, holding hands by a very busy, local shopping centre when two woman stopped, looked us both up and down, tutted then spat at our feet. I was fuming and he had to stop me from saying something. To him, it was  normal and something he had experienced all his life. 

We've had the usual "Why are you stealing our women/men", very obvious stares from people being anything but discreet and comments made very loudly. I can't believe I've even used the term usual but that's exactly how it feels. We've experienced things like this on and off throughout our relationship, I think I just notice it less now. The discrimination doesn't just come from one race, we've experienced it from Asians and Caucasians. I've had to grow a thick skin to it quite quickly because calling people out on it every time was just draining and a waste of my time. Those small minded individuals are never going to change and they'll never see the world for what it really is. 

According to a study, my generation believe that we live in a post racial society, believing it is a problem that lies with the older generations and this is 100% not true. We experience casual racism on a weekly, if not daily basis from all generations. We are told what adorable children we will have because they would be mixed race, we're asked if his specialty in the kitchen is certain types of food and if his favourite beer is Cobra. Neither myself or him follow a faith, it's not like we're bringing shame upon a family and who gives a shit if we are, it's 2016. Love doesn't have a colour, race or gender. The only thing that is important is that the two people in the relationship are happy, in love and having the best time of their lives. 

Due to recent events, if anything the UK is getting increasingly more racist which in turn causes more problems in a country that we will one day bring children into. I don't want to have to worry about our children experiencing racism but it'll no doubt be something they and us will have to deal with. Racism doesn't just happen, it is taught. It is picked up on by children and young adults by the people that have raised them or guided them poorly in life. I read an article in Grazia by Lucy Dartford that you can read here, a couple of years ago where she spoke about her own interracial relationship and it struck a chord with me, I ripped out the page and have kept it in my bedside table ever since.

Interracial discrimination is sadly something we just have to face in our relationship, more often than not we ignore it, we don't want to give some idiot the satisfaction of knowing we've noticed them. I will occasionally say something because I do like seeing their shocked face when I pull them up on their disgusting behaviour but would you really expect anything different from me? It's disappointing that this is still a part of the world in 2016, but what we experience is a small fraction of what others have to deal with. It should be spoken about more, it should be shouted down and those who condone interracial discrimination should be made to look the fool. 

Our relationship is our relationship and no one else's. 


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27 comments

  1. This has shocked me so much, I can't believe people actually treat you like this. I have to admit i must be naive because I don't realise how much racism does still exist in everyday life. Absolutely appalled that you get so much abuse just because you're in love.
    Amy xx Call Me Amy

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  2. I'm actually really shocked by this and how ignorant I was to people's attitudes towards interracial relationships - I cannot even begin to fathom how it must have felt to have someone spit at your feet simply because you love someone who doesn't look like you do. It's disgusting! I loved reading this post though and it was written so articulately and beautifully, I hope a lot of people read it and are informed of how great a problem it still unfortunately and unnecessarily is!

    Zoe X
    www.stylingthechapters.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. I do so love your rants.
    But I hate that you go through this because there is just no need! Racism is taught. 100%.
    I heard a little story the other day you'll love. A three year old kids was talking about their friend Jamal to their parents. One of the parents asked "is Jamal a black little boy?" (yes I judge the parents for asking the question too) and the kid replied "I dunno, I'll have to ask him".
    We should all be like little kids and not noticed, because it just doesn't matter!


    Rach xxx

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  4. I can't believe this still happens. Absolutely baffles me how it can bother people so much they have to be rude. I sure as hell bet if they needed a doctor to save their life their opinions would sharp disappear. I'm glad you both just get on with it and ignore the idiots, absolutely crazy xx

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  5. What is wrong with people. I have friends who have been victim to the same and I don't understand how anyone can think it's alright. You're doing the right thing by rising above people like that though, I'd not be able to hold my tongue so easily!

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  6. It is really stupid that this is still happening in this day and age! Very well written "rant" Alice! I love it and you should be free to love whoever like you said love doesn't have a colour/race/gender anything like that! Xxx

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  7. Alice, much kudos to you for writing this post. Often when people of our generation speak of this post-racial society being complete bollocks we get shot down by racists, ironically enough. I've been in an interracial relationship for 8 years now, and we used to receive this level of abuse too. It's quitened down lately, but that only serves to heighten the shock when it inevitably does happen again.

    You're right though, of course, Britain is becoming increasingly racist, but racism has become smarter than ever. It's rarely overt, and when it is, only the intended victim(s) see it. It's mostly an under-current running through society, people have told themselves Britain's not a racist country so many times, they now believe it to be true. It must kill the older generations who migrated here that the pain they suffered for us has just been recycled, ready for the next generation.

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  8. It is disgusting that you face this discrimination and are able to refer to it as 'usual'. As above said kudos for writing this post & highlighting that racism is still an issue in today's society as most people think it's not.

    Lauren xx

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  9. Oh that's just so infuriating! I can't believe you have to put up with this stuff - I think you must be a lot more patient than I am. Screw the racists. Love wins. It always does.

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  10. I've also been in an interracial relationship for four years. I'm black, and my SO is white. My parents really struggled with the fact that he is white, and at the beginning of our relationship, would ask if he'd ever even been with a black woman before. We've gotten looks on the street and people making inappropriate comments about what our mixed-race children might look like. I completely agree with you that the world is changing, and it's sad for me that the UK seems to be on this trend. I moved from the States to be with my partner, and I'd always felt like we'd experienced more comments and looks when we were together in the States and less when we were in the UK. It's just more proof that a post racial society is so far from being real. Thanks for sharing your story!

    Ghenet
    ghenetactually.blogspot.com

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  11. I work for a charity that supports refused asylum seekers - once the home office says no, an individual is destitute (no right to work, no access to housing, no access to secondary healthcare). And yeah, it's really opened my eyes to how racist our country is. It's quite frightening, but ultimately I just don't get it. We must be very conditioned to make decisions based on fear if the colour of someone's skin can cause such huge reactions.

    I also have a mixed race cousin - my mum's sister is married to a guy whose family are from Ghana, and we STILL get the odd comment like 'But how can you two be related?'.

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  12. Such a great post! I get this all the time with my boyfriend. I'm black and his white, we have been together for 2 and a half years now. Ive had racism from his side of the family and people out in the streets. Its disgusting! I don't let it get to me that much now, but every now and again I will put someone in their place. xx

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  13. I can't believe that in this day and age, you (or anybody for that matter) still have to endure such ignorance from some people. You are definitely right that about how Britain are far from a living in a "post-racial" society because racism never left in the first place and with the right-wing media (DM, The Sun etc.) being able to control the mindless souls and fill it with such hate against a particular race or religion - the situation would only get worse.

    My older sister dated a white guy for over 3 years and was subject to evil looks and comments eventually she got over it but she was still hurt and confused as to why people are so concerned about one dating outside their race. It shouldn't matter but fortunately it does to some -__-

    I'm glad you spoke out about this and sorry for blabbing on in the comments lol

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  14. That fact that you had to experience someone SPITTING on the ground when seeing you is disgusting. I believe love has no race/religion/sex .. And the fact that it still exists in this world is awful. It is just important to not let it get to you .. Like you said it's your relationship and as long as you are happy that is all that matters!
    Saira
    www.throughtheglitterglass.wordpress.com
    Xxx

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  15. I can't believe someone spat at the ground at you both, that is disgusting, and it is horrible that you both have experienced stuff like this on more than one occasion. WTF is wrong with people! Its shocking how racist people still are! xxx

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  16. It's shocking that you've had to go through all that, but so good that you chose to write about it and open other people's eyes to it.

    Jessica xo

    jessicathenortherner.blogspot.co.uk

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  17. I am utterly shocked at this! In this day & age, it is unbelievable! xx

    Beautylymin

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  18. I'm so baffled by this post. I couldn't even have imagined what you and your boyfriend have been through as I genuinely believed the world had, for the most part, gone past all that nonsense. Why does it bother anyone else when two consenting adults are in love? It's hardly going to effect them!
    Megan x
    London Callings

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  19. It's refreshing to see an honest post like this but I can't imagine what you and your boyfriend have had to put up with, spitting at feet is disgusting! Best of luck to you both in the relationship xx

    Kimberley // thecolourchronicles.com

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  20. I'm a mixed race girl who looks more white and have an Asian boyfriend. I have to say, my experiences have been very different. Most people are very accepting of our relationship and I've never had any overt racism directed towards us. We live in London - so it's probably more accepted here than maybe other parts. Occasionally I am very aware in some Asian gatherings that I am 'that one white girl', but it doesn't bother me. It's such a shame that people feel the need to judge your relationship on the basis of your ethnicity. But yes, you will have adorable cute mixed kids! I can say that because I am one. ;) haha

    Saskia / girlinbrogues.com

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  21. this is such a great post! I think this is a subject that needs more attention on blogging platforms. It's such a frustrating situation & needs to be called out. It's sad out generation isn't becoming less racist or tolerant.
    I respect you and the courage you took to talk about this topic.
    Wish you all the best! Love your blog! <3

    confessionsofannabnana.blogspot.co.uk

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  22. I am in an interracial relationship as well, and now that I joined him in Australia people talk to me first, as if I were the local and he the tourist. I get it, it's because I am white. Thank God we've never experienced open racism, but again, how could we? Australia is formed by all ethnicities together at the same time.

    Barbs

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  23. This makes my blood boil. Racism / religion... I like to think that we're a lot more tolerant now than say 50 years ago, but it's still just not enough. I just don't get it at all, what does the colour of someone's skin matter?! So sorry that you have to put up with such small mindedness.

    Laura xx (lovedbylaurac)

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  24. Thank you for sharing this. You've inspired me to share my story someday soon...
    My first boyfriend was Asian as well. In high school students would ask me about the size of his penis and my own parents made racist remarks like, "oh, he must be good at math," or "are his eyes open? I can't tell." My friends would say they don't see why I like him, Asian guys are "clearly not hot," even though he had a great body and well... was my choice of partner so what the hell is it to them!!!

    So many more stories like this, I can't even... the list goes on and on... one day people will stop caring, but we're not there yet. Not even in America.
    www.MARINASAYS.com

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  25. I hate that in 2016, Britain especially still experiences Rasism. People are so small minded and have no business passing comments, insults and hatred on you both. It makes me so angry that we still live in such a backward society! Beautifully written Annie xxx www.miniaturemilk.wordpress.com

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  26. Absolutely awful, I am so sorry for both of you, that's totally wrong headed thinking. I wish you all the best in the future.

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  27. Oh this is awful! I can't believe this has happened to you two. We live in an age where things like this shouldn't matter, there are more important things to worry about than who people choose to be with! And why is it any of their concern anyway!?
    I agree with you, love doesn't have a colour, race or gender. Just today I smiled with joy when I saw two girls in love kissing in public and was happy that they could do that comfortably and happily! It made me think, wow - the world is ever so slowly getting better, but sometimes I worry it's not too.
    It makes me angry that anyone in any type of relationship might have to deal with this sort of discrimination! >:( but hopefully one day in the near future people can just stop and accept that love is love and there is nothing else to it. Freedom to love anyone I say <3

    I wish you both the most happiness together though. Don't let anyone get in the way of love! :)

    Cat x

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